Welcome back to Understanding Etiquette – the series where we get to grips with the customary codes of polite behavior, and how to abide by them.

In last edition, we talked about how sports field etiquette can help you in the world of business. In this edition, we’re moving out of the office and into the home. Specifically, we’re talking about the etiquette of hosting.

Hosting a dinner party isn’t rocket science. But, there are some important etiquette issues you need to abide by if you want things to run smoothly.

So without further ado, let’s dive in with an obvious, but still vital piece of advice.

Be Present

There’s a lot to consider when hosting a dinner party, especially when it comes to the food side of things. You want to make sure that all your guests’ meals are ready at the same time, that food is served hot, that everything is cooked properly… the list goes on.

But, you need to make sure that these tasks don’t distract you from your responsibilities as a host. Spending 80% of your time in the kitchen at the expense of your guests does not a good event make. It’s your party, and people will be looking to you to guide the evening. If you’re not around, then things can get a bit awkward and uncomfortable.

There are a couple of good strategies for getting around the “always in the kitchen” dilemma. Firstly, don’t bite off more than you can chew (pun intended) when it comes to the menu. Yes, a lavishly prepared culinary masterpiece might impress some partygoers, but that effort is for nothing if you’re not actually present at your own shindig. Simpler dishes that can be mostly prepared beforehand are always a good option (check out our Home Economics for Men series for some easy-to-make, yet delicious meal ideas if you’re stuck).

Secondly, leave the washing up until after your guests have left. Hosting is today’s priority. The cleanup is tomorrow’s.

Choose Your Guests Wisely

When throwing a dinner party, it’s tempting to simply invite the people that you like. In practice, though, this can lead to challenges once the event kicks off.

A dinner party is very different from the kind of large-scale gatherings you used to host in college. You’re getting a group of 6-10 adults together, in close quarters, and expecting them to sustain a conversation for the better part of three-to-five hours.

As you’re putting together the guest list, you need to think about the personalities of the people you’re inviting, and how those personalities might interact. A great dinner party is about balance. You don’t want your gregarious, outgoing guests to outweigh your more shy and retiring friends. And, you want those people to be able to find some common ground. 

Think About The Seating Plan

It’s not just about who you invite to your dinner party, it’s about where you sit them. Coming up with the right seating plan will take some planning on your part, but it’s a surefire way to facilitate a better dining experience.

How you do this will depend on your guests’ needs, the kind of people that you’re inviting, and the number of people that you’re hosting (if you’re only being joined by, say, four guests, the seating plan is less important given the proximity you’ll all be in).

As a general rule, though, here are some things worth remembering:

• It’s ok to split up married, or good as married couples (though don’t sit them too far away from each-other)
• It’s not ok to split up new couples
• Balance out the extroverts and the introverts (to avoid conversation vacuums)
• Sit guests that don’t know anybody next to those that are either easy to get along with, or share common interests

Speaking of which…

Make Introductions

If you’re throwing a party where all your guests are longtime friends, then this one is less important. But, if your guests are only acquaintances, or indeed, have never met before, then making introductions is essential.

Your aim, as host, is to make everyone feel at ease. And, a big part of that is making sure that everyone knows everyone else and that any awkwardness or embarrassment in breaking the ice is done away with.

Introducing people isn’t just about learning names, though. It’s also your job to facilitate conversation. Two guests might not know each-other, but you know the both of them, and that means you can find a common ground subject for them to get a conversation started: “Sam, this is Jeff. Jeff is a big Raiders fan. Sam, you played college football, right?” You get the idea.

If the two guests don’t have any common ground that you’re aware of, that’s fine as well. Just giving some general information about the other person or initiating an icebreaker conversation gives the other conversationalists something to work with. For more on this, we’d recommend reading the first two articles in this series on conversation etiquette.

Accommodate for Dietary Needs

Finally, part of being a good host means making sure that all of your guests are properly taken care of. There’s nothing worse than preparing a meal, only to have visitors arrive and to discover that someone is unable to eat what you’ve made.

If you know that friends have specific allergen or dietary requirements, then prepare a menu that accommodates for those issues (I particularly cannot eat shellfish). If you can, make sure that all your dishes are free of that particular allergen. Serving a separate meal to one guest singles them out, and raises awkward conversations about dietary issues on the day. If someone has a lot of dietary issues, this might ultimately be inevitable. But, you should still try to avoid it when possible.

When you’re dealing with guests that you’re not so familiar with, it’s advisable to send out your intended menu well ahead of time. That way, they can inform you if there’s something they can’t eat, and you can make amendments accordingly. That’s it for this edition. Join us next time when we turn the tables, and explore the etiquette of being a dinner party guest. 

Welcome back to Understanding Etiquette – the series where we get to grips with the customary codes of polite behavior, and how to abide by them.

In last edition, we talked about the fundamentals of business etiquette. In this edition, we’re getting into advanced business etiquette territory, showing how sports field etiquette can apply to the workplace.

Business and leisure are two very different spheres. But, we can apply a lot of the principles we practice on the field or court to our professional life and get great results in the process.

So without further ado, let’s dive in with a lesson in one of the fundamentals of good sportsmanship.

Be a team player

In business, very few people work alone. Most of us are part of a company or corporation comprising hundreds or thousands of people. Chances are that you work within a small group of those hundreds or thousands to perform a particular task that your company requires.

When you’re in close proximity to that group of people day in, day out, it’s easy for them to start getting on your nerves. Heck, that’s what happens when you’re in close proximity to anyone. But, it’s important to keep in mind that these people are your teammates, and viewing them as a team is essential to getting the work done to a good standard.

When a task comes our way, it’s tempting to hog the ball and try to score all the goals ourselves. That’s especially true if we’re gunning for a promotion, or feel that we’re especially qualified to perform the task at hand. But, in truth, this kind of self-centered thinking has two decidedly negative effects:

• It strains our relationships with our colleagues
• Even if we get the job done, it makes us look big-headed to our superiors

Work with the people in your department. Get to know your fellow employees, understand their strengths and their weaknesses and learn how to work with them rather than next to them. Not only will this make your day-to-day life more enjoyable and rewarding, it’ll get the job done better as well. That’s part of the reason employers value team players so much.

Oh, and one more thing on that subject, don’t be afraid to feed the ball to a rookie player once in a while. Helping the juniors in your office to improve is good for the company, good for your team, and good for you. They won’t be juniors forever, and may prove useful colleagues and allies in times to come.

Be a good loser

In work, as in sport, there are times when we lose. It might be losing a contract to a rival company, losing a promotion to another employee, or simply failing to complete work to your, or your employer’s standards.

When those instances arrive, it’s important to keep sportsfield etiquette in mind. That means doing a couple of things.

Firstly, accepting the responsibility for your loss. Spouting off about how “office politics,” “favoritism,” “the state of the economy” or anything else is to blame for your failings doesn’t do you any favors. It makes you look like a child, showing you as petulant to your colleagues and superiors.

Oh, and especially don’t blame your colleagues for their mistakes. If there are things that they did do wrong, it’s a frank pep-talk, not a dressing-down that’s in order. Part of being a team means you all take responsibility.

If you lost, it was your fault, and owning this is to your credit.

Secondly, you need to be graceful to the winner. If Bob gets that promotion over you, you make damn sure to shake Bob’s hand. Sending Bob an angry e-mail instantly turns you into the Kanye “Imma let you finish” West of the office, and no-one wants that.

Finally, learn from your mistakes. Great sportsmen identify their weaknesses and work on them. You should do the same.

Be a good winner

On the flipside of this equation, there’s a certain way to behave when we’re the one who gets the promotion, wins the contract or gets praise from our employer.

Firstly, avoid gloating. Yes, you got the raise, yes you got the promotion, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk about it. It’s not going to make your achievement any better, it’ll just make you look unsportsmanlike to your peers. A reputation like that could have negative repercussions down the line, so don’t start building one now.

In fact, consider whether you even need to celebrate your victory publicly at all. When we’re talking about salary raises, for example, spreading that news around the office can cause resentment, so maybe wait until you get home before cracking open the champagne.

Secondly, you need to acknowledge the people that helped you get the win. Again, we’re in team player territory here. Some things will be all down to you, but in the instances where a killer pass allowed you to score the field goal, you can’t take all the credit.

Finally, you need to show gratitude for your victory when appropriate. Acting like you were entitled to win makes you look smug. Be proud of your work, yes, but also express gratitude for the work of others and fortitude for being in the right place at the right time.

On a related note, “humble bragging” – boasting about something, but trying to hide that boast through complaining or self-deprecation – is a definite no-no. While we might use humble bragging to avoid coming across as smug, it usually has the opposite effect. Being straight up is always a better option.

That’s it for this edition, and indeed, for the world of business etiquette. Next time, we’ll get to grips with the etiquette of being a houseguest, what it means to be in someone else’s home, and why table manners are as important for adults as they are for kids.

See you then!

Welcome back to Understanding Etiquette – the series where we get to grips with the customary codes of polite behavior, and how to abide by them.

In last edition, we wrapped up our coverage of writing etiquette with the sympathy letter. Today, though, we’re jumping into the world of business etiquette.

Good etiquette is key to a harmonious workplace. But, you’d be amazed how many people struggle to mind their manners in the business world.

It doesn’t have to be that way though. Fortunately, the rules of business etiquette are largely commonsense and relatively straightforward.

So without further ado, let’s dive in with an important lesson in timekeeping.

Punctuality is key

Arriving on time to a meeting, presentation or function is an obvious must when it comes to workplace etiquette. But, what exactly does “on time” mean?

Think about a scenario where one of your colleagues has shown up at a 9am meeting at 9 o’clock on the dot. They hurriedly take off their coat and rifle through their briefcase to find their notes just as your boss starts to speak.

Technically, this person is “on time,” but you wouldn’t think it from observing their behavior. Actually, it’s more like they’re “just in the nick of time.” They look rushed, they look frazzled, and it doesn’t give an air of professionalism.

In the business world, the adage “five minutes early is late” exists for a reason. By giving yourself adequate time to arrive, settle and get yourself together, you’re presenting an air of togetherness and a sense that you want to be there. It’s a surefire way to make a good impression.

Dress appropriately

Dressing appropriately for work used to be a breeze. If you were a white collar professional, you wore a suit and tie. In this day and age, however, it’s a bit more complicated than that.

While some workplaces still live by the formal business attire dress code, others have adopted more casual approach to work wear.

Your first step to dressing appropriately, then, is observing the culture of your workplace environment. If you’re in a jeans and t-shirt culture, rocking up to the office in a three-piece suit will be overkill. By contrast, you’ll be dressed-down in loafers and a polo shirt if traditional jacket and tie combos are the norm.

Whatever the culture is where you work, there are a couple of universal rules to remember. Your clothes need to be clean and crease free. Avoid wearing garments that are faded and past their prime and anything with rips, holes and frayed ends is a no-no. Smart shoes must always be polished and shirts with slogans or images that might cause offence should be avoided at all costs.

If in doubt, ask human resources or have a discreet conversation with a co-worker.

You are not in high school

One of the funny things about workplaces is that, while adults ostensibly populate them, there are moments where it feels like you’re in high school again.

Workplace gossip, rumors about co-workers and eavesdropping are behaviors that people should have left behind at the age of 16. Yet, the extent to which these persist in office culture is sometimes shocking.

When it comes to workplace etiquette, the rule on this one is simple and unambiguous. Gossiping, eavesdropping and rumor spreading are a definite no in any circumstance. Be the better man, don’t engage, and spare your colleagues’ feelings. And if somebody comes to you to share a rumor, then don’t pass it on. It’s unprofessional, childish, and nothing good will come of it.

Remember your conversation etiquette

You might want to refresh yourself on the topics we covered in articles one and two of this series, because they especially apply in the workplace.

Reading body language, knowing how to interact civilly and how to make a good impression on others is essential in a workplace environment. After all, you’ve got to be able to work productively and harmoniously with these people Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5.

There are a couple of extra rules that apply here, though. Firstly, keep blue humor and harsh language out of the office environment full stop. Your office likely features a diverse range of people, and even if you know your buddy will appreciate your expletive-filled politics rant, chances are that the person two cubicles down won’t.

Secondly, be diplomatic at all times. Some people will rub you up the wrong way in an office environment – that’s just an inevitability of life. But, you don’t want their irritations to spark a fire that sends the whole office into meltdown. Even though you might have to grind your teeth to do it, diplomacy is always king when it comes to office relations. So, try to think more like Henry Kissinger and less like Vladimir Putin.

Keep it together out-of-hours

Many people in the working world are masters of workplace etiquette… when in the workplace. But, when meeting with their colleagues in the great wide world, things soon go south.

Out-of-office gatherings – be they retirement parties, Christmas or birthday celebrations or company retreats – put you in a casual, rather than business environment with your colleagues. And, the temptation is to behave as you would during your leisure time.

But, before you know it, you’re eight beers in, your shirt has been turned into a makeshift bandana and you’re on top of a table screaming Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” as your colleagues look on disapprovingly.

Ok, so that’s an extreme exaggeration. But, the truth is that we’ve all experienced something of this kind to lesser or greater degrees of severity. And, that incident has probably given the perpetrator a lasting impression in the office that they’d rather shake off.

Out-of-office social gatherings might seem like a chance to let your hair down. What you need to remember, though, is that these are the people you work with. And, the impression that some of these people have of you might affect your promotion chances and workplace stability. So, show some restraint and save the drunken karaoke antics for when you’re out with your buddies.  

That’s it for this edition. But, we’re not done with the business world yet. Join us next time when we’ll be discussing winning and losing graciously; or what sports field etiquette can teach you about the workplace.

Welcome back to Understanding Etiquette – the series where we get to grips with the customary codes of polite behavior, and how to abide by them.

In last edition, we talked about the right way to write an e-mail in the business world. Today, though, we’re talking about something much more personal; the sympathy letter.

Sympathy letters are never easy to write. Whether the recipient is going through an illness, a personal crisis or a bereavement, it’s a difficult correspondence to make. But, knowing how to write a sympathy letter is a tremendously important skill. The truth is that these correspondences do bring comfort to the recipient during a time of need.

If you need to write a sympathy letter and are struggling to find the right words, this guide can help.

Always write it

“They probably know I’m thinking of them.”

Plenty of people who are anxious about writing a sympathy letter will justify not sending one with this statement.

And here’s the thing: the recipient doesn’t doubt that you’re thinking of them. But, actually sending a correspondence makes that thought tangible. It can bring a genuine comfort, however small, during a difficult time.

No excuses then. Write it. Send it. Remember that, however difficult you might find it to pen the thing, it’s nothing compared to the difficulties the recipient is facing.

Write promptly

Letters of sympathy might be difficult to write, but they’re not something you should put off doing. Time is of the essence when it comes to these kinds of correspondences for two reasons:

• If your letter arrives months after the news of someone’s personal crisis, it feels like your correspondence was an afterthought.
• If you put off writing the letter, then chances are you’ll forget about writing it altogether.

If you find out that a friend or family member is going through a difficult time, then get your letter sent off as soon as possible. It might be hard to write, but a prompt correspondence shows the recipient that you genuinely care about them.

Remember what it’s for

When writing a letter for a solemn occasion, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to be profound or philosophical. It’s a well-intentioned goal: you want to say something meaningful that will take away some of the pain that the recipient is feeling. The truth, though, is that you can’t. Something bad has happened, or is happening to that person and there’s probably very little you can do about it.

What your letter needs to convey is solidarity and empathy. Don’t worry about trying to say something wise and meaningful, and remember, your recipient isn’t looking to you to alleviate the situation. Your aim here is simply to let that person know you’re thinking of them. Don’t be afraid to keep it simple and from the heart. That’s what matters.

Offer your help

Following on from point number one, letting someone know that you’re thinking of them extends to letting them know that they can rely on you. “If you ever need anyone to talk to/if you want to hang out to take your mind off things, just give me a call” – it’s a simple statement, but reaching out in that way can bring a lot of comfort. During times of personal crisis, it’s easy to feel isolated. Letting the recipient know that they’re not alone can be very comforting.

Don’t compare your situation to theirs (unless it’s actually comparable)

“I know just how you feel”; we use this phrase all the time in day-to-day life to show that we empathize with the situations of friends, colleagues or family. And, in the context of normalcy, it’s a pretty effective show of solidarity. However, if you’re writing a letter of condolence or of sympathy, then you’re well beyond the realms of normalcy, and different rules apply.

Before you try comparing your situation to the recipients, ask yourself if it’s truly comparable. If you have a similar experience of bereavement, divorce, illness etc., then sharing your experience of your situation could be helpful. If you don’t, though, you run the risk of coming across as self-centered. The letter becomes about how you felt during a particular time in your life, rather than how the recipient is feeling right now.

The truth is, you don’t always have to understand how the recipient is feeling. If you’re talking to someone who’s been diagnosed with cancer, or whose child has died and you’ve never experienced those things, you probably won’t. And that doesn’t matter. Again, remember that you’re not writing to alleviate the situation, but to show support.

Make it neat

Back in 2009, (then) British Prime Minister Gordon Brown came under fire because of a sympathy note he sent to the family of a killed solider. Why? Because the letter had numerous spelling mistakes and was written in a hastily scrawled handwriting.

At the time, this made national news in the UK and caused a minor outrage. Brown’s letter was sincere in its content, but not in its presentation:

“He said, ‘I know words can offer little comfort’. When the words are written in such a hurry the letter is littered with more than 20 mistakes, they offer no comfort,” said the letter’s recipient, Mrs. Janes.

There’s an important lesson to learn from this. Your sympathy note needs to look as considered as the words it contains. That means immaculate handwriting, rigorous proofreading and correct grammar.

If handwriting is not your strong point, then there’s nothing wrong with typing your letter (it’s probably what Gordon Brown should have done). Whatever you do, make sure that the end result is neat, presentable and reflects the sentiments of its content.   

That’s it for this edition. Make sure you join us next time, when we’ll be talking about etiquette dos and don’ts in the world of business.