Welcome back to Understanding Etiquette – the series where we get to grips with the customary codes of polite behavior, and how to abide by them.

In last edition, we talked about the fundamentals of business etiquette. In this edition, we’re getting into advanced business etiquette territory, showing how sports field etiquette can apply to the workplace.

Business and leisure are two very different spheres. But, we can apply a lot of the principles we practice on the field or court to our professional life and get great results in the process.

So without further ado, let’s dive in with a lesson in one of the fundamentals of good sportsmanship.

Be a team player

In business, very few people work alone. Most of us are part of a company or corporation comprising hundreds or thousands of people. Chances are that you work within a small group of those hundreds or thousands to perform a particular task that your company requires.

When you’re in close proximity to that group of people day in, day out, it’s easy for them to start getting on your nerves. Heck, that’s what happens when you’re in close proximity to anyone. But, it’s important to keep in mind that these people are your teammates, and viewing them as a team is essential to getting the work done to a good standard.

When a task comes our way, it’s tempting to hog the ball and try to score all the goals ourselves. That’s especially true if we’re gunning for a promotion, or feel that we’re especially qualified to perform the task at hand. But, in truth, this kind of self-centered thinking has two decidedly negative effects:

• It strains our relationships with our colleagues
• Even if we get the job done, it makes us look big-headed to our superiors

Work with the people in your department. Get to know your fellow employees, understand their strengths and their weaknesses and learn how to work with them rather than next to them. Not only will this make your day-to-day life more enjoyable and rewarding, it’ll get the job done better as well. That’s part of the reason employers value team players so much.

Oh, and one more thing on that subject, don’t be afraid to feed the ball to a rookie player once in a while. Helping the juniors in your office to improve is good for the company, good for your team, and good for you. They won’t be juniors forever, and may prove useful colleagues and allies in times to come.

Be a good loser

In work, as in sport, there are times when we lose. It might be losing a contract to a rival company, losing a promotion to another employee, or simply failing to complete work to your, or your employer’s standards.

When those instances arrive, it’s important to keep sportsfield etiquette in mind. That means doing a couple of things.

Firstly, accepting the responsibility for your loss. Spouting off about how “office politics,” “favoritism,” “the state of the economy” or anything else is to blame for your failings doesn’t do you any favors. It makes you look like a child, showing you as petulant to your colleagues and superiors.

Oh, and especially don’t blame your colleagues for their mistakes. If there are things that they did do wrong, it’s a frank pep-talk, not a dressing-down that’s in order. Part of being a team means you all take responsibility.

If you lost, it was your fault, and owning this is to your credit.

Secondly, you need to be graceful to the winner. If Bob gets that promotion over you, you make damn sure to shake Bob’s hand. Sending Bob an angry e-mail instantly turns you into the Kanye “Imma let you finish” West of the office, and no-one wants that.

Finally, learn from your mistakes. Great sportsmen identify their weaknesses and work on them. You should do the same.

Be a good winner

On the flipside of this equation, there’s a certain way to behave when we’re the one who gets the promotion, wins the contract or gets praise from our employer.

Firstly, avoid gloating. Yes, you got the raise, yes you got the promotion, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk about it. It’s not going to make your achievement any better, it’ll just make you look unsportsmanlike to your peers. A reputation like that could have negative repercussions down the line, so don’t start building one now.

In fact, consider whether you even need to celebrate your victory publicly at all. When we’re talking about salary raises, for example, spreading that news around the office can cause resentment, so maybe wait until you get home before cracking open the champagne.

Secondly, you need to acknowledge the people that helped you get the win. Again, we’re in team player territory here. Some things will be all down to you, but in the instances where a killer pass allowed you to score the field goal, you can’t take all the credit.

Finally, you need to show gratitude for your victory when appropriate. Acting like you were entitled to win makes you look smug. Be proud of your work, yes, but also express gratitude for the work of others and fortitude for being in the right place at the right time.

On a related note, “humble bragging” – boasting about something, but trying to hide that boast through complaining or self-deprecation – is a definite no-no. While we might use humble bragging to avoid coming across as smug, it usually has the opposite effect. Being straight up is always a better option.

That’s it for this edition, and indeed, for the world of business etiquette. Next time, we’ll get to grips with the etiquette of being a houseguest, what it means to be in someone else’s home, and why table manners are as important for adults as they are for kids.

See you then!

Welcome back to Understanding Etiquette – the series where we get to grips with the customary codes of polite behavior, and how to abide by them.

In last edition, we wrapped up our coverage of writing etiquette with the sympathy letter. Today, though, we’re jumping into the world of business etiquette.

Good etiquette is key to a harmonious workplace. But, you’d be amazed how many people struggle to mind their manners in the business world.

It doesn’t have to be that way though. Fortunately, the rules of business etiquette are largely commonsense and relatively straightforward.

So without further ado, let’s dive in with an important lesson in timekeeping.

Punctuality is key

Arriving on time to a meeting, presentation or function is an obvious must when it comes to workplace etiquette. But, what exactly does “on time” mean?

Think about a scenario where one of your colleagues has shown up at a 9am meeting at 9 o’clock on the dot. They hurriedly take off their coat and rifle through their briefcase to find their notes just as your boss starts to speak.

Technically, this person is “on time,” but you wouldn’t think it from observing their behavior. Actually, it’s more like they’re “just in the nick of time.” They look rushed, they look frazzled, and it doesn’t give an air of professionalism.

In the business world, the adage “five minutes early is late” exists for a reason. By giving yourself adequate time to arrive, settle and get yourself together, you’re presenting an air of togetherness and a sense that you want to be there. It’s a surefire way to make a good impression.

Dress appropriately

Dressing appropriately for work used to be a breeze. If you were a white collar professional, you wore a suit and tie. In this day and age, however, it’s a bit more complicated than that.

While some workplaces still live by the formal business attire dress code, others have adopted more casual approach to work wear.

Your first step to dressing appropriately, then, is observing the culture of your workplace environment. If you’re in a jeans and t-shirt culture, rocking up to the office in a three-piece suit will be overkill. By contrast, you’ll be dressed-down in loafers and a polo shirt if traditional jacket and tie combos are the norm.

Whatever the culture is where you work, there are a couple of universal rules to remember. Your clothes need to be clean and crease free. Avoid wearing garments that are faded and past their prime and anything with rips, holes and frayed ends is a no-no. Smart shoes must always be polished and shirts with slogans or images that might cause offence should be avoided at all costs.

If in doubt, ask human resources or have a discreet conversation with a co-worker.

You are not in high school

One of the funny things about workplaces is that, while adults ostensibly populate them, there are moments where it feels like you’re in high school again.

Workplace gossip, rumors about co-workers and eavesdropping are behaviors that people should have left behind at the age of 16. Yet, the extent to which these persist in office culture is sometimes shocking.

When it comes to workplace etiquette, the rule on this one is simple and unambiguous. Gossiping, eavesdropping and rumor spreading are a definite no in any circumstance. Be the better man, don’t engage, and spare your colleagues’ feelings. And if somebody comes to you to share a rumor, then don’t pass it on. It’s unprofessional, childish, and nothing good will come of it.

Remember your conversation etiquette

You might want to refresh yourself on the topics we covered in articles one and two of this series, because they especially apply in the workplace.

Reading body language, knowing how to interact civilly and how to make a good impression on others is essential in a workplace environment. After all, you’ve got to be able to work productively and harmoniously with these people Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5.

There are a couple of extra rules that apply here, though. Firstly, keep blue humor and harsh language out of the office environment full stop. Your office likely features a diverse range of people, and even if you know your buddy will appreciate your expletive-filled politics rant, chances are that the person two cubicles down won’t.

Secondly, be diplomatic at all times. Some people will rub you up the wrong way in an office environment – that’s just an inevitability of life. But, you don’t want their irritations to spark a fire that sends the whole office into meltdown. Even though you might have to grind your teeth to do it, diplomacy is always king when it comes to office relations. So, try to think more like Henry Kissinger and less like Vladimir Putin.

Keep it together out-of-hours

Many people in the working world are masters of workplace etiquette… when in the workplace. But, when meeting with their colleagues in the great wide world, things soon go south.

Out-of-office gatherings – be they retirement parties, Christmas or birthday celebrations or company retreats – put you in a casual, rather than business environment with your colleagues. And, the temptation is to behave as you would during your leisure time.

But, before you know it, you’re eight beers in, your shirt has been turned into a makeshift bandana and you’re on top of a table screaming Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” as your colleagues look on disapprovingly.

Ok, so that’s an extreme exaggeration. But, the truth is that we’ve all experienced something of this kind to lesser or greater degrees of severity. And, that incident has probably given the perpetrator a lasting impression in the office that they’d rather shake off.

Out-of-office social gatherings might seem like a chance to let your hair down. What you need to remember, though, is that these are the people you work with. And, the impression that some of these people have of you might affect your promotion chances and workplace stability. So, show some restraint and save the drunken karaoke antics for when you’re out with your buddies.  

That’s it for this edition. But, we’re not done with the business world yet. Join us next time when we’ll be discussing winning and losing graciously; or what sports field etiquette can teach you about the workplace.

Welcome back to Understanding Etiquette – the series where we get to grips with the customary codes of polite behavior, and how to abide by them.

In last edition, we talked about the right way to write an e-mail in the business world. Today, though, we’re talking about something much more personal; the sympathy letter.

Sympathy letters are never easy to write. Whether the recipient is going through an illness, a personal crisis or a bereavement, it’s a difficult correspondence to make. But, knowing how to write a sympathy letter is a tremendously important skill. The truth is that these correspondences do bring comfort to the recipient during a time of need.

If you need to write a sympathy letter and are struggling to find the right words, this guide can help.

Always write it

“They probably know I’m thinking of them.”

Plenty of people who are anxious about writing a sympathy letter will justify not sending one with this statement.

And here’s the thing: the recipient doesn’t doubt that you’re thinking of them. But, actually sending a correspondence makes that thought tangible. It can bring a genuine comfort, however small, during a difficult time.

No excuses then. Write it. Send it. Remember that, however difficult you might find it to pen the thing, it’s nothing compared to the difficulties the recipient is facing.

Write promptly

Letters of sympathy might be difficult to write, but they’re not something you should put off doing. Time is of the essence when it comes to these kinds of correspondences for two reasons:

• If your letter arrives months after the news of someone’s personal crisis, it feels like your correspondence was an afterthought.
• If you put off writing the letter, then chances are you’ll forget about writing it altogether.

If you find out that a friend or family member is going through a difficult time, then get your letter sent off as soon as possible. It might be hard to write, but a prompt correspondence shows the recipient that you genuinely care about them.

Remember what it’s for

When writing a letter for a solemn occasion, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to be profound or philosophical. It’s a well-intentioned goal: you want to say something meaningful that will take away some of the pain that the recipient is feeling. The truth, though, is that you can’t. Something bad has happened, or is happening to that person and there’s probably very little you can do about it.

What your letter needs to convey is solidarity and empathy. Don’t worry about trying to say something wise and meaningful, and remember, your recipient isn’t looking to you to alleviate the situation. Your aim here is simply to let that person know you’re thinking of them. Don’t be afraid to keep it simple and from the heart. That’s what matters.

Offer your help

Following on from point number one, letting someone know that you’re thinking of them extends to letting them know that they can rely on you. “If you ever need anyone to talk to/if you want to hang out to take your mind off things, just give me a call” – it’s a simple statement, but reaching out in that way can bring a lot of comfort. During times of personal crisis, it’s easy to feel isolated. Letting the recipient know that they’re not alone can be very comforting.

Don’t compare your situation to theirs (unless it’s actually comparable)

“I know just how you feel”; we use this phrase all the time in day-to-day life to show that we empathize with the situations of friends, colleagues or family. And, in the context of normalcy, it’s a pretty effective show of solidarity. However, if you’re writing a letter of condolence or of sympathy, then you’re well beyond the realms of normalcy, and different rules apply.

Before you try comparing your situation to the recipients, ask yourself if it’s truly comparable. If you have a similar experience of bereavement, divorce, illness etc., then sharing your experience of your situation could be helpful. If you don’t, though, you run the risk of coming across as self-centered. The letter becomes about how you felt during a particular time in your life, rather than how the recipient is feeling right now.

The truth is, you don’t always have to understand how the recipient is feeling. If you’re talking to someone who’s been diagnosed with cancer, or whose child has died and you’ve never experienced those things, you probably won’t. And that doesn’t matter. Again, remember that you’re not writing to alleviate the situation, but to show support.

Make it neat

Back in 2009, (then) British Prime Minister Gordon Brown came under fire because of a sympathy note he sent to the family of a killed solider. Why? Because the letter had numerous spelling mistakes and was written in a hastily scrawled handwriting.

At the time, this made national news in the UK and caused a minor outrage. Brown’s letter was sincere in its content, but not in its presentation:

“He said, ‘I know words can offer little comfort’. When the words are written in such a hurry the letter is littered with more than 20 mistakes, they offer no comfort,” said the letter’s recipient, Mrs. Janes.

There’s an important lesson to learn from this. Your sympathy note needs to look as considered as the words it contains. That means immaculate handwriting, rigorous proofreading and correct grammar.

If handwriting is not your strong point, then there’s nothing wrong with typing your letter (it’s probably what Gordon Brown should have done). Whatever you do, make sure that the end result is neat, presentable and reflects the sentiments of its content.   

That’s it for this edition. Make sure you join us next time, when we’ll be talking about etiquette dos and don’ts in the world of business.

Welcome back to Understanding Etiquette – the series where we get to grips with the customary codes of polite behavior, and how to abide by them.

In the last edition of this series, we talked about online etiquette, and the rules to abide by in the digital realm. Today, we’re getting to grips with the do’s and don’ts of writing an email – particularly in the business world.

Email’s been a mainstay in business for over 20 years now, but you’d be amazed by how many people still haven’t grasped the right way to write an electronic message to a colleague or superior.

If you’re in that camp though, fear not. That’s what this guide is for! Let’s dive in.

Remember who the message is for

In real life, you talk to different people in different ways. You’re not going to address your college buddies the same way as you would your boss, for example. Same applies with e-mail.

Before you start writing your message, think about who the message is for and let that guide the content. Writing to an old friend, for example, and a casual “hey,” “hi” or “yo” is probably a perfectly way to start the message. If you’re writing to a colleague, on the other hand, that won’t fly – a more formal “Hello” or “Dear…” would be much more appropriate.

Same goes with the body of the message. If you’re writing in a professional context, then slang, colloquialisms and text-speak are a no-go zone. The same goes for excess capitalization and exclamation point usage. Good grammar and proper English are an absolute must. They make you look like a professional, and they make the meaning of your message much clearer for the recipient.

Speaking of which…

Proofread it

Never hit the send key the instant you’ve finished your email. You might be making an etiquette faux pas if you do.

Proofreading an email might seem like a waste of time. “Who cares about a couple of teensy grammatical mistakes in the scheme of things, right?”

As it happens, professionals care. An email full of spelling mistakes and bad grammar makes the writer look sloppy, careless, even badly educated. That’s not a good impression to leave, especially if this is the first correspondence you’re having with a person.

It’s not just mistakes you’re looking for when proofreading though. You need to make sure that your email makes sense. Are you conveying your meaning clearly and succinctly? Or will the reader need a Rosetta stone to decipher your run-on sentences and strange verb choices?

Spending those extra few minutes to fine tune your message can really make a difference to the reader, so don’t be afraid to put the time in.

The subject heading matters

Once again, this is about clarity of communication. Busy professionals often get hundreds of emails sent to their inbox a day. If you want to make sure your message gets noticed, it’s important that you communicate the subject of it clearly.

From an etiquette perspective, doing this is beneficial to the reader because it makes their life easier. They know exactly what that email refers to, and can file it until the appropriate time in their day to open it and respond to it.

Subject lines like “Hey [INSERT NAME HERE]” or “Yo!” give the impression that the correspondence isn’t serious. Those are the emails that tend to be forgotten about and get lost in inbox purgatory. A heading like “3^rd Quarter Report Attached,” on the other hand, leaves no doubt as to the content of the email. It makes life easier for the recipient, and means that your message is much more likely to get noticed.

Use humor with caution

In a face-to-face encounter, a well-timed joke or witty observation can be the perfect icebreaker. With that in mind, it might seem logical to enliven your emails with a little humor.

But, you need to approach humor with caution in written correspondences. Why? Because it’s easier for your meaning to be misconstrued in writing.

When we tell a joke in person, the recipient has many ways to read our meaning; our words, the tone of our voice, our posture, our facial expression. In an email, however, it’s just the words, and, without those other signifiers, we run the risk of being misinterpreted.

What you thought was a warm and witty response might be read as cold and sarcastic, and could leave a bad impression with the reader.

That’s not to say that humor is a complete no-go. If you already have an established rapport with someone, a well-deployed written joke might work. But, when contacting someone you don’t have an existing relationship with, it’s a good idea to avoid humor altogether.

Respond to every message

(Every legitimate email that is – we’re not expecting you to get back to spammers!)

The flip side of writing good emails is responding to them in a timely and polite manner.

You probably know how frustrating it is when people don’t get back to enquiries, need following up or take an obnoxiously long time to respond to a message. Don’t be that guy!

Respond to every message as quickly and courteously as you can, even if it’s just a brief message to acknowledge you’ve seen the email. You might not have an answer straight away, that’s fine. But making sure the recipient knows you’ve seen their message and will eventually have a response for them is a polite way of handling the situation. (On a related note, make sure that you actually respond to that enquiry – don’t say you will and then forget about it!)

This is one caveat to all this, however. We’re not expecting you to get back to enquiries over the weekend or outside of your office hours. Etiquette works both ways. People shouldn’t be contacting you during these times in the first place, and neither should you be responding to them. If you get an email on Saturday evening, your response can wait until Monday morning.

Avoid angry emails

We made this point in the online etiquette article last week, but it bears repeating here.

There are times when a message will appear in your inbox that will really grind your gears. It happens. Sometimes people, whether intentionally or not, will rub you up the wrong way. But don’t, whatever you do, fire off a venomous response in a fit of rage. You will regret it and you will come across as the bad guy, even if they started it.

If you can’t hold off writing that angry response, then here’s the solution. Draft it in a Word document (NOT your mail client – you don’t want to accidentally send it!), then do something to take your mind off it for an hour or two. Once you’ve gotten some headspace, check the email draft again. You’ll likely realize the faux par you were about to make and either

1. redraft it to soften the content
2. write something else altogether

Either way, you’ll save yourself a major headache by taking a step back.

That’s it for this edition. Make sure you join us next time, when we’ll be talking moving outside of the business realm, and looking at personal e-mails for serious occasions.