If you want to get ahead in life, understanding the rules of etiquette is essential.

Abiding by those customary codes of polite behavior is what makes people see you as a decent and dependable person. Good etiquette will help you make friends, influence opinion, affect change, and build meaningful relationships.

But, here’s the thing. Understanding the rules of etiquette isn’t always straightforward. Different situations call for different approaches, different rules apply in different environments, and the etiquette of yesteryear is not always the same as the etiquette of today.

Pretty much all of us can see when someone does not understand the rules of etiquette in a given situation. Usually, they stand out like a sore thumb. But, while it’s easy to recognize when someone isn’t following the rules, knowing what those rules are is another thing entirely.

That’s where this guide comes in. Over the next ten editions in this series, we’re getting to grips with etiquette, offering a comprehensive view for any self-respecting, 21^st century gentleman.

In this edition, we’re talking about the rules of conversation. If you want to know how to make the right impression when talking to new people and how to avoid the awkwardness of a bad first impression, then read on.

Listen first; talk second

When we’re nervous about a social situation, it’s easy to overcompensate by diving in headfirst and doing all the talking. But, this is a rookie error when it comes to conversation etiquette, and one that doesn’t make a good first impression.

Dominating a conversation in this way has two major disadvantages.

Firstly, it makes us look narcissistic, as if we want to be the center of attention and are disinterested in what other people have to say. Secondly, it can lead to “foot-in-mouth” scenarios where we fail to “read the room” and unintentionally rub other conversation participants up the wrong way.

Being a great conversationalist is less about talking and more about listening. By paying attention to what someone is saying, we arm ourselves with further topics to develop the conversation. Things start to flow better, feeling less stilted, and the other person gets the satisfaction of feeling like they’re really being heard.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should remain in complete silence while the other person talks – that makes you look a bit crazy. A well timed “I hear you,” or “I know what you mean” or a question that allows the other person to elaborate is always a good idea. Visual signifiers that you’re listening – like maintaining eye contact, nodding, and NOT TEXTING WHILE TALKING (seriously, never do that) – will also put the other person at ease.

On the subject of visual signifiers, pay attention to what the other person is doing as well. If they’re looking awkward, glancing around the room or seem disinterested, it might be time to change tact or move on to a different topic. 

Have conversation topics at the ready

If you’re on the way to an event where conversation is on the cards, it’s a good idea to mentally prepare for the sorts of things you might talk about. This kind of pre-planning might seem overkill, but trust me, it’s a sure fire way to make a conversation flow, and to avoid thumb twiddling and awkward silences.

There are two ways to approach this, and they’ll depend on the sort of event that you’re attending.

If you’re about to meet people that you already know, take a minute to remind yourself of the last conversation that you had with them. What do they do for a living? What’s their family situation? Did you discuss their hobbies, or projects they were working on? Recalling this information gives you a starting point when you get in the room, and also makes a good impression on the other guests – it shows you were listening last time. Oh, and on a related note, don’t be afraid to brainstorm this stuff with your partner before hand. Chances are they remembered things you didn’t and vice versa.

If you’re on the way to an event with complete strangers, the approach is slightly different. Here, it’s worth thinking about general topics that would make a good springboard for conversation; hobbies, foods, popular culture and film and television are usually good places to start.

Sometimes though, being too general can make a conversation feel somewhat superficial. To avoid this, tailor these topics so they don’t feel so broad. Instead of asking about favorite foods, for example, ask about local restaurants. Oh, and make sure you pay attention to the person and any clues they might drop about their interests – picking up on those little details makes the difference between an average and a great conversation.

Read the room

So far, we’ve talked about one-on-one conversation. But, many of the conversations you have at functions or events will be with multiple people. And, engaging with a group brings its own sets of rules.

Firstly, find a topic of conversation that everyone can take part in. You might know that Kevin is a Quentin Tarantino enthusiast, and want to talk about the brilliance of his screenwriting. But, if the other people in the group have never even heard of “Pulp Fiction,” you and Kevin will alienate them pretty quickly. Find some common ground so that everyone can participate.

Secondly, understand that what works in one scenario might not work in another. If you’re hanging out with old friends from college or members of your sports team, off-color jokes and R-Rated language might be par for the course. But, colleagues, your partner’s friends, or members of your church might not feel the same way.

Understand that different situations call for different approaches. If you’re unsure what the situation calls for – say you’re with a group of people you’re unfamiliar with – then this is where listening comes in again. Pay attention to how the conversation flows and what the group dynamic is. Pretty soon, you’ll have a good grasp of what’s on – and off – the conversation table.

Follow these rules of conversation, and you’re sure to make the right impression with any group of people. Unless someone brings up religion or politics that is; those things are sure-fire conversation ruiners.

Or are they? In next edition, we’ll be getting to grips with so-called taboo conversation subjects and the right way to talk about them.

Welcome back to Home Economics for Men, the series that teaches you – the single man of the 21^st century – the ins-and-outs of culinary self-sufficiency.

Convenience food burning a hole in your pocket? Are you looking less like Dwayne Johnston and more like Peter Griffin thanks to take-out indulgences? This is the series for you.

Last time, we talked about the importance of knowing the meat market, and how cheaper, tougher cuts are often the most flavorful when prepared properly. But how do you go about preparing them properly? Does it mean slaving over a hot stove for hours on end to get the best flavors out of them?

Thanks to the help of a very handy kitchen device, it doesn’t have to be! The slow cooker has been a fixture in American households since women joined the workforce en masse in the 1970s, and with good reason. It’s an amazingly useful tool for hassle free cooking that really gets the most out of cheap ingredients. In short, it’s the dream tool for a budding home economist!

In this edition, we’re looking at the history of the slow cooker, talking about how it works and telling you how to get the most out of one in your cooking.

Slow Cooker vs Crock Pot:

Before we start, it’s worth clearing up the distinction between slow cookers and crock pots, as these two terms are often used interchangeably and can cause some confusion.

Both slow cookers and crock pots are made up of the same base elements – a glass lid, a pot and a heating element. What typically distinguishes the two is that the crock pot’s pot is made of ceramic or porcelain, while the slow cooker’s pot is made of metal. For today’s purposes though, we’re using the two interchangeably, as the cooking procedures are generally the same.

The history of the slow cooker

Invented in 1940, the crock pot was the brainchild of an inventor named Irving Nachumsohn (who went by the surname Naxon). Nachumsohn created the crock-pot as an aide for Jewish housewives who were forbidden from cooking on the Sabbath. The device allowed for dishes such as cholent (a traditional Jewish stew from eastern Europe) to be prepared the night before, cook slowly overnight and be ready and warm to eat on the Saturday.

A hit with its intended audience, the slow cooker “saved the Jewish housewife” according to “Jewish Slow Cooker Recipes” author Laura Frankel. However, it would be 30 years before crock-pots and slow cookers found their way into the majority of the American homes.

In no small part, this boom was a result of the large numbers of women entering the work force in the 1970s.

Traditionally, cooking appliances were marketed towards homemakers. But, the manufacturers of slow cookers realized the potential benefits that their product could offer working women. Namely, that – with some simple preparation in the morning – the slow cooker would provide a hot, nutritious meal by the time the family got home. In 1975, the Mabel Hoffman’s “Crockery Cookery” – a recipe book geared towards the burgeoning crock-pot market sold half a million copies in four months, cementing the slow cooker’s status as a must-have appliance.

In the past two decades, the slow cooker has seen a massive resurgence in popularity. As the Washington Post noted in 2015, sales of slow-cookers doubled between 2001 and 2014. This time though, observers related the boom to an expanding interest in cooking among men, as well as a shift in the division of labor between the sexes.

How it works, and how to use it

Though it might seem like a marvel, the slow cooker is actually a pretty straightforward device. Typically, it comprises of three units; a base, with a heating element, a vessel where food is placed – most often a heavy stoneware receptacle, and a glass lid.

If you’ve ever used a Dutch oven, you’re probably familiar with the mechanics of the slow cooker. Heat emanates from its base, working up the sides of the cooker and then into the food. The steam generated from the heat then creates a vacuum seal with the lid. As a result, temperatures in the slow cooker remain consistently low. This helps to keep moisture during cooking, and also means that the liquid in the stock pot does not become concentrated or evaporate during cooking.

As a result, slow cookers are ideal for two kinds of cooking; poaching , which works well for fish and lean cuts like chicken breast, and braising, which is ideal for tougher, inexpensive cuts of meat like shoulder of pork, brisket of beef or lamb shank (more on this in a minute).

Slow cookers typically have a low and high, and warm setting. What you use will depend on the dish you’re making. Tougher cuts typically benefit from a longer cooking time, so are best on low. Soups and stews might use low or high depending on the ingredients you’re using. Generally though, the low setting is your go-to. A slow, gently cooked dish will really bring out the flavors and a longer cooking time means you can head out for the day and not worry about needing to come back and switch off the cooker.

The benefits of using a slow cooker

As I’ve already mentioned, slow cookers took off in the 1970s because they offered convenience to working women who suddenly found they had less time on their hands to prepare nutritious meals. Unsurprisingly then, the most obvious benefit to a slow cooker is that it provides a low-effort way to prepare a full meal.

Typically, slow cooker recipes call for only one step preparation. You simply need to chop your ingredients, place them in the pot, add your liquid and then let the slow cooker do the rest. Some recipes might require you to brown meat or sauté onions before adding them to the dish, but even with this additional step, you’re looking at maybe a 20 minute prep time max for a good lunch or dinner (some slow cookers even come with a browning function to streamline this process).

I’ve talked before about the benefits of batch cooking in this series, and this is somewhere the slow cooker really comes into its own. Slow cookers come in different shapes and sizes, with volumes ranging from 1 ½ to 7 quarts. While a smaller pot might seem like a no-brainer for bachelor or couple living, I’d recommend going large – 6 quarts and upwards. A meal from a 6-quart pot typically serves six, which means you can build up your freezer reserves really quickly.

Using a slow cooker already cuts down on your meal prepping process, but having a stockpile of home-made ready meals is seriously handy, especially when things come up that prevent you from cooking, or you’re getting fatigued as the week draws to a close.

Oh, and as far as time saving goes, the other advantage to a slow cooker is that it cuts down on washing up. At the end of meal prep, you’re usually only faced with a single pot, and the slow, gentle cooking means you don’t have to worry about burnt on dirt and grime.

Finally, slow cookers are also incredibly useful when it comes to getting the most out of cheap cuts of meat. As I mentioned in the previous article in this series (LINK BACK HERE) cheap cuts like shoulder, shank and brisket are pound-for-pound more flavorful than their premium cousins. The key to unlocking these flavors, though, is cooking these meats for longer. Fortunately, this is pretty much exactly what the slow cooker is designed for, getting you close-to-restaurant quality flavors without a huge amount of effort.  

Things to remember when using a slow cooker:

Trim fat from your meat: You don’t need to add oil to a slow cooker recipe. Things cook so slowly in there and with enough moisture that the contents won’t catch. This means you don’t need a lot of fat on your meat either, as it won’t drain away. If you leave it on, you might end up with pools of oil in your stew.

Don’t add too much liquid: Because the slow cooker creates a vacuum, any liquid you put in the pot isn’t going anywhere. As a rule, reduce a given recipe’s liquid content by roughly a third when using a slow cooker. The pot should never be more than three quarters full, and you ideally want the liquid to just cover the meat and vegetables.

On the subject of liquid, just as it doesn’t evaporate in the slow cooker, it also doesn’t thicken. To combat this, you can either roll your meat in a small amount of flour before adding it to the slow cooker, or use a little bit of cornflour at the end of cooking.

Leave the pot alone: When slow cooking there’s always the temptation to lift the lid and check/taste the contents. But, slow cookers are at their best when left alone to do their thing. Each time you take the lid off, you break the vacuum, reduce the heat and increase the cooking time, so leave it alone as much as possible.

Slow Cooker times:

Want to know how to adjust normal recipes for a slow cooker? Fortunately, BBC Good Food has put together this handy guide.

If a dish usually takes:

• 15-30 mins, cook it for 1-2 hours on High or 4-6 hours on Low
• 30 mins – 1 hour, cook it for 2-3 hours on High or 5-7 hours on Low
• 1-2 hours, cook it for 3-4 hours on High or 6-8 hours on Low
• 2-4 hours, cook it for 4-6 hours on High or 8-12 hours on Low

And that wraps up this Home Economics for men series. Over the past five lessons, you’ve learned the basics of cooking healthy, tasty food on a budget, and how to maximize your time doing it. We hope you’ve enjoyed it, and that your wallet and waistline have as well!